About me, Eva

Hey everyone,
My name is ~xEvaX~. Now I'm sure some of you reading this are saying "Who the hell is that?" Well, I'm a lvl 99 (almost a lvl 100) dark WF with a lvl 97 (almost lvl 98) holy EP hubby. That is in game; in real life, I'm close to who I am in game, a big pile of nothing. let me tell everyone about the unknown person behind the unknown character.

My real name is Hope Borden (yes, as in Lizzie Borden, and yes we are related somewhere down the line). I am 20 years old but I will be 21 on December 9th. I am a second second semester sophomore at Worcester State College in Worcester, MA with a major in Environmental Chemistry and a Natural Science minor. I plan on graduating after the fall semester of 2011, because when I transfered, I lost some credits which put me a half of semester behind. I plan to go into AstroChemistry when I graduate.

Now to my background and why I am the way I am. I grew up in one of the smallest towns in the world, Nunda (Nun-Day) in western, NY. The population is around 1200-1300 on a good day. i went to Keshequa (Kesh-e-qua) Centeral School until I graduated on June 23, 2007, 15th in my class of 70 with a GPA of 3.56. In school, I was the normal outcast; not really fitting into any group. I put my grades above everyone and I had few friends (those I did have where very close) and other than that I kept to myself while doing dancing and playing the flute in the high school band. The reason I was and still am like this is because my mind was programmed in pre-k up through the 4th grade to believe that (a) people don't like me, (b) they will never like me, and (c) they will make fun of me for thinking that I have friends. I NEVER got out of thinking that way. Thinking this way turned me into a closed off person to where I would hurt myself before others could do it. I then turned to anorexia as my best friend thinking that maybe someone would see the girl that is hypoglycemic not eating and think of saving her. I started to feel the need to put myself in danger to just to know my friends really cared and to keep them as friends.

As I got older, I started to get used to the idea of no friends and thought "Well, I guess I could live with it". So thats what I did, and then my ex-boyfriend came into the picture (a mistake that only made things worse). He got my hopes up that someone really did care about me that way I wanted to be cared about; only to break up with my through his mother and to lose my trust and bring my trust in everyone crashing down to an all time low. The low cased me to shut myself completely off from everyone, making sure that I would never get hurt that way again. And from that time, I never let anyone to close until I knew what they really wanted.

Then college life started up and I met exo (you can find more about him on stuff that he has written) and he made me feel wanted, loved, needed, like I am really important. Our first few months was just talking, which helped him gain my trust, but the first half of year to year I was still scared that I was going to fall again and this time it would be a harder fall. As you could tell, I have let him in my life completely and I am really glad that he has helped (and still is) helping me learn to trust others.

Well, that is pretty much me, I am who I am. I am truly a nice, kind, funny person; once people get to know. I hope having this up on the forums and having people read it will help me open up and talk more to everyone in the guild, since I have put myself in a place of no return and have made my life open book. I'm not trying to gain any sympathy (for those who feel sorry for the way my life has been), I don't want, nor do I need, it. And don't think that you need to tiptoe around my feels either, I really do not care what people say. You will not hurt my feelings. I feel that if someone has something to say to or about someone, then that person needs to be told. People are not mind readers and I lose respect for those who go behind my back. If someone wants to say something to me, just say it, I'm not afraid to hear it and I will not dislike any one for telling me the truth. I do not intend on being mean or rude (if i come off that way), I am voicing how I feel and why I am the way I am.

I hope this helps me get more involved and allows me to become friends with everyone in the guild. Thanks for taking the time to read this
~Hope

P.S. I know why now many of you are saying "It's just a computer game, why do you need to protect yourself online? Just block the person if you don't like them." Well, Exo has told me that already, but its not a matter of the game or not, it is a matter of how my mind works. My brain is programmed in a way to keeping me from getting hurt again. Perfect World is the first RPG that I have ever played and my brain has not moved into that state of mind yet. I will be working on it more and more, so bare with me, I'm hoping to get it right soon. I am hoping to be in that shut-up-Hope stage, that stage I am when one talks face-to-face with me (talk to Steveo, he can tell you)

Again, thanks for reading

Thanks for the wonderful intro Eva. I know how you feel on so many levels, you just wouldn't believe...But it's nice that you are getting your thoughts, views, and history out there for people to read. I know it's inspired me to work on my own intro, that's for sure lol.

You are strong for writing this and for not succumbing like other people would. I'm glad you found Exo in your time of need, and you can always find a friend in me if you ever wanna talk about stuff <3

Eva, you came across as a confident, ambitious, smart girl and you should be proud of that. In no way were you "fake" which is an attribute that in my opinion is an attractive feature. Don't let anyone or anything stop you from being you.

Hello Eva, thanks for the great intro. Communication is so important both in this game and RL. As we always say: i can't read your mind, you need to tell me what you think. ^^ In my mind, you are always this smart, pretty, and lovely young girl. I admire you greatly. Now it is even better. And just one little note, when ppl break your trust, move on to find new and better ones. We chinese have a saying: it is hard to find a 3-legged frog, but 2-legged human beings are more than enough. Can always trash the bad ones and get the good one.

Enjoy the game and hope we be friends always. And if we say sth makes you feel uncomfortable, please let us know.

Good to know you more. Go Hope!!!

HOPE

thanks for the intro, first of all i love how open and honest you and exo are about everything, its rare to find people who are willing to talk about issues of their past, or the way their mind works. secondly, i cant see why anyone would not like you, or not want to be your friend! you are a great person and i wish more people get to know you

Christmas is coming very soon and i dont want to miss it... here i wish you a MeRrY ChRiStMaS and A happy new year

Hi Oenone!

welcome

much of what i read in your intro kind of seems familiar to me..

though you regard 1200 ppl as being small? i grew up in a village with like 150ppl

Wow was awesome to read an intro as honest and direct as this one, seems you are an amazing and very interesting person